Failure

So I quit.  And started.  And quit.  And started.  And I'm back smoking again.

October was probably the worst month to attempt this.  Due to work stresses, and personal situations, I was averaging about a pack and a half per day by October 15th.  I was starting wake up in the morning just hacking, ripping up my throat with coughs every morning.  My father crashed his truck on October 18th, and I remember driving out to Norwood, burning through half a pack of Camel Blue's in 3 hours.  On October 25th, I decided it was time to get serious about it.

I purchased my first electronic cigarette that day at a South Shore plaza kiosk.  At $19.95 for a "starter pack"(2 e-cigarettes, a charger, and 10 nicotine cartridges), it seemed like a deal compared to the $8.59 I am currently paying for a pack of cigarettes.  After a 4 days of use, I couldn't stand the electronic cigarettes.  It felt like I was inhaling tainted air, and always needed a real cigarette right after using it.  After researching reviews on Amazon and various other websites, there really is no "good" electronic cigarette.  Reviews were posted for the $20 e-cigarettes through the $120 e-cigarettes, with most reviewers finding the electronic cigarettes to be pointless.

I have an appointment with my physician at the beginning of next week for an annual check-up, but my health insurance does cover nicotine patches.  I plan to start using the patches next week, and ask my doctor to evaluate my lungs/breath control, and ask his opinion on how smoking has affected my health.

After being awake 12 hours today, I've only smoke six cigarettes as well.  At this pace of cutting down, I'm doing great.

A Rough One

This has been one of my more stressful weekends; a lot of driving, which meant a lot of smoking.  Where to begin?

Thursday: School as usual.  Thankfully, I had a lot of work to do, which left me inside with my laptop attached to a wall socket.  Less going outside means less of a temptation to light up.  I had to pick up a couple extra shifts this weekend, which began Thursday after school. The traffic due to the flooding even leaving UMass all ready left me chain-smoking.  I tried an experiment at work that night; I was only on a 5 hour shift so I decided to brave it out and leave my pack of smokes in the car.  I lasted 4 hours before I was succumbed and bummed a cigarette off my co-worker.  Mavericks; not even my brand.  It was a busy night, stressing me out never mind the lack of nicotine.  One of my tables actually asked me why I was so frazzled, and I had to tell them about my anti-smoking crusade.  The mother in the family told me she managed to kick the habit herself about 5 years ago.  I have to say, I believe it helped out my tip.  Maybe that's another reason to quit; using my battle stories for profit.

Friday was a long one.  I woke up around 8, hungover (which is a benefit; I never feel like smoking when I'm hungover, for a couple hours).  I had to drive to my work for a meeting from 9-10, then drive from Braintree to Brockton by 11.  There was no time for breakfast, so after the headache subsided to a low buzz, I was opening the pack to suppress the lack of home fries and toast.  My band and I met up with this guy who works with our lap-steel player, and he wanted to record our album.  This soon led to us sitting around drinking beers and smoking listening to our demos with him in his studio.  I don't know why Budweiser, Camel lights, and music go so well together, but they do.  We finished up around 3, just in time to get afternoon breakfast at a diner and get to practice.   We headed back to Braintree, leaving around 7 for a long drive to Lowell.

My band had a gig Friday night.  I tried to resist as much as I could, but the bar gig/outdoor patio area had me hanging outside all night with the other bands and various people.  Standing in the smoking section was the worst; I could feel myself drifting in and out of conversation with my hands in my pockets just rustling my pack of cigarettes.  Total for the day; 16.  It's not great, but it's also not a pack.

Saturday and Sunday I spent working from 10-6 and then moving to my new apartment both nights.  Talk about stress and wasting energy.  My only saving grace was needing my breath hauling in couches and boxes and the like.  Even though this was essential, I need to start supplementing cigarettes with exercise; by the end of everything, I felt like passing out completely.  Working myself into such a tire seemed to be the best plan.  I could barely drag myself to the porch to smoke that night.  My goal was 14 for Saturday and Sunday each, and I'm happy to say I met them.

In the meantime, I need to start looking at more electronic cigarettes.  The prices have too great a variation; at $10 for one model, I feel like that has to be bad for me or something.  We're getting there people, one day at a time.

Progression

Hey reads, back from my nicotine sabbatical.  This time off was my last hurrah with my habit, but I can say I have worn down my pack-a-day habit to 16/17 cigarettes roughly.  It hasn't been too difficult at this point, mainly from the short amount of time I've been doing this and the small reduction number.

The hardest part is just my regular smoking intervals, I've found.  The usual breaks are killing me; post-meal, red lights/driving, and mainly any chance to get a break waiting tables at work.  In the restaurant I work at, it's so busy that ducking out for a cigarette is the only chance I get for a couple minutes to myself.  I'm trying to recondition myself to just chew gum or at least stand for a couple and catch my breath.

The sad realization is I've been calculating my average spending on these.  On average, I'm spending $8.25 on a pack of cigarettes, daily.  Weekly, that's $57.75, which comes to $231 a month.  That's $2772 a year in total.  My pack a day habit has probably been for 4 years now.  I've spent at least $11,000 on cigarettes in this past 4 years, never mind before/after/chain-smoking/etc.  Just staring at this number on the screen in front of me is a bit shocking, realizing how much I've paid to potentially harm myself (optimistically speaking).  Aside from coughing a bit much, my health is good, but I know that can't last forever.

As many anti-smoking aids as there are, I feel self-control is the only way I'm going to potentially succeed in this task.

Let the great experiment begin!

I will say this first off; my name is Brendan Hogan and I enjoy smoking cigarettes.  Perhaps not the after-effects of these cancer sticks, but I do enjoy the ritual, the relaxation, and generally, smoking.  The goal of this blog though, is to try to kick the habit.

I've been smoking consistently for about 7 years now.  It was a gradual progression; I began bumming smokes of my friend Joe in his apartment until he stopped handing them out so freely.  I remember having my girlfriend at the time(who was 18 when I was 16) run into various gas stations to support my habit.  Even as I began smoking, I remember hanging outside the Worcester Palladium, leaning against the wall in hopes one of the bands I just saw would ask to bum a cigarette, leading to a cool conversation.  Eventually, these breaks in my day built themselves up to a pack-a-day habit, leading me to where I am today.

As my voice got a bit raspier, I began to compensate; I started singing the lower harmonies in my band, and insisted on far more Tom Waits covers.  At a bar, how else does one meet women; strike up a conversation over the blaring (usually terrible) music, or wait until she goes outside for a smoke and appear as a knight with a Zippo as she was searching for her lighter.  I was insistent that my group of smokers were the only group left to fill the pariah role of society, that we were coughing rebels fighting for our insistence to light up wherever we please.

Then I got older.  And more out of breath.  And started coughing more.  And they're now about $8.50 a pack.  At this point, it's time to throw the habit away.  I'm beginning my process tomorrow.  The game plan is to start counting all the cigarettes I smoke in a day, and try to get that number down day by day.  I also plan to use/review an electronic cigarette, and move on to the patch if need be.  My goal is to go cold turkey by December.  We'll see how that goes.  More updates after a nicotine fix!

-Brendan